Two days ago, my sweet daughter and I were talking about raising children. In that conversation, I expressed my sorrow for those times I needed to work to support them. There were times that I couldn’t be at home to help with the dinner dishes and put them to bed. That makes our mom hearts hurt. But, when we least expect it, we have those special moments of healing between a mother and her child….this was definitely one of those days for me. My daughter is an amazing woman, mother, and now my friend. 💖
Well, yesterday, she sent me the most beautiful text of love after our conversation. She shared this video. It is from a young mother with a life-changing family story. I normally don’t post these kinds of videos, but it touched my heart on so many levels, and I hope it does the same for you. The story she shared of “Let her wear the dress” brought me to tears as my heart broke for this woman’s mother. Sharing the story was so brave and so raw—especially when the unspeakable occurred. The message is clear, “Let her wear the dress.”
This week has been healing as I went through many memories of when my children were little. I have also felt the burden of regret just like this sweet mother in the story stated, and I know other moms do too. Now, as I get older, I realize even more the important role we can have in helping our children take a breath and reminding them they are doing the best they can!
I worked when my children were younger as many women do. I felt tremendous guilt surrounding my child-raising when I felt I wasn’t there enough. I eventually realized how counterproductive this was for my kids and for me. So now that some of my children are parents, I thought maybe the sage advice my mom, Olive, gave to me could help heal some hearts out there. I have great faith God will help our children and help us when we keep our eye on the Savior. It is also my hope we find a way to let our children “Wear the dress!”
So here we go.
There was no manipulation allowed between my parents; they were unified in everything, a fabulous team! I also know that if they had given in to us as children, it would have probably destroyed us. We would not have developed a sense of self-worth and personal growth from learning what reality was and what was on the stage. My mom would say to me- “I’m not your friend; I’m your mother. I love you but get to your chores and quit feeling sorry for yourself.” 😉 My parents made me strong because they were consistent and always showed immense love. They didn’t get angry or yell; it wasn’t their way. We knew the rules, and the worst feeling we could ever have was if we felt we had disappointed them. I may not have liked cleaning toilets after a long day of rehearsals, but I gave it my best! 😁 My mom “kept it real” so to say, and that reality kept our feet firmly planted.🤗 They were my heroes, plain and simple, and the lessons they taught were invaluable.
One of the “adventures with Olive” was the day I found myself bereft on the couch, a newly single mother, crying. I was having a most deserved pity party. I thought, “Oh great! Now I’m a single mom trying to raise a child all by myself! I kept moping, “this is too hard! I can’t do it! This mountain is too big to climb.” Well, my mom sitting next to me on the couch stood up, looked at my puffy red face, and said, “Well, la tee da-poor you! Marie, pull yourself together; you have a child to raise,” then walked out of the room. And guess what? I did. She kind of ticked me off at first, though!😂
When I was younger, I wanted to wear eyelashes. 😂 My mother didn’t know how, so she took me to the head makeup artist at NBC (who, by the way, as a kid, was Tommy from the original Mickey Mouse Club)🤗 for a first-class tutorial. 🤣 Now, I eventually taught my mom how to wear lashes, but she knew when to pick her battles and when to“let me wear the dress” She also “loved me” out of wanting to act stupidly by encouraging me to watch the choices others were making. When I saw some of the consequences my friends had made and the long-term effects of those choices, it left a strong impression on me. As always, Olive was very wise.
Raising children is something we have to work at every day until we leave the earth. I’m sure you feel as I have that we often fail and sometimes miserably! But I have come to learn as my children have gotten older (not me, though😂), if we make our choices for our children’s welfare with love, they will eventually see we tried our best! Also, if we try to justify the reasons we did what we did, it only puts up bigger walls. However, if we sincerely apologize for the mistakes we made, I know they will forgive and love us back.
My mom let me, “Wear the dress! And some were pretty bad mistakes- 🫣 as you can see in the two photos! What was I thinking!!!!🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ But my sweet parents helped me to choose and learn!
In my home, there was always forgiveness. I learned though that if I did fail, I always had my parents loving arms to fall into. But they would not fix it for me. I was the one who had to get back up and keep moving forward. Thank you, mom and dad, for that one. I love you eternally.
So, if letting our kids and grandkids mix Marvel characters with Disney characters while adding a tutu makes your teeth hurt, close your eyes and let them. Pick your battles wisely. If, while going to Target, you notice your children look homeless after proudly dressing themselves …..so what. Pick your battles wisely because saying no all the time just sucks up our energy and creates a distance that makes it harder when you really need to say no.
When my son Michael passed away, I wanted to take back every single heated discussion we ever had about dirty socks, bed-making, etc. Of course, structure and schedules are important—they can save a mom—but as I had to learn, don’t break yourself against a schedule. Children are more important than rules or schedules.
I read an excellent article the other day as I thought about my mom and dad. It was by Dr. Jaak Panksepp on how there are nine minutes each day that we can positively affect our children. He said the “larger the sphere of positive emotions” a child has with a loved one, the more likely they are to become a productive and happy member of society. Here are the 9 minutes...
•Three minutes of positive interaction with your child as soon as they wake up.
•Three minutes of positive interaction when you see them after a nap or school.
•Three minutes of positive interaction right before bed.
I love this idea, and I believe it keeps us focused on loving them and it’s much more doable than the standard 10 positives to one negative. (Sounds good for marriage also😉)
This world right now seems intent on trying to get us all down, incorporating the tools of fear to leave us hopeless. And as Olive would say, “That’s just about enough of that!”🤭 So today, let’s join forces in choosing to be positive and more intentional with our words, thoughts, and actions, and for heaven’s sake, let’s all “Wear the dress”🥰
Love you all!!!
#Sundaymessage